


Self-Insert Derpiness

by TheApathyImp



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: M/M, Multi, OT4, OT5, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-01
Updated: 2013-03-01
Packaged: 2017-12-03 23:58:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/704125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheApathyImp/pseuds/TheApathyImp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is what happens when I self-insert. Oops?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Self-Insert Derpiness

**Author's Note:**

> Still don't own Big Time Rush. Oh and my name is pronounced "Trace".

Logan was by the pool on a particularly hot day in LA, fanning himself and groaning just slightly. “Why is it so fucking hot out here today?” he asked himself, jumping slightly as he felt a cold sensation on his shoulder and a voice chuckled at him.

“You're so sexy when you curse Logie.” said the other teen, plopping down onto the chaise next to the brunette after Logan took the popsicle. “As for your question, the way I understand it, a heat wave moved through, largely due to the changing world climates.” He pulled his phone out and checked the weather once more, losing all train of thought when he looked back to Logan. “I-it... uh...”

Logan smirked just slightly around the popsicle that was literally halfway down his throat. He pulled it out with an obscene pop, and smirked wider. “Enjoyed the view Tres?” the blonde next to him could do nothing but nod and follow the path of the treat as it slowly traced down Logan's chest to the waistband of his decidedly too small speedo.

Luckily, there weren't too many people at the pool that day and they were reasonably alone.

“You are such a little tease.” Tres said, eyes still fixed on the bulge in the brunette's speedo. He licked his lips and leaned over to slurp a drop of purple colored liquid off the braniac's abs.

Logan moaned quietly and practically whimpered as he pulled the blonde up from his stomach for a quick, but arousing kiss. “You're just easy to tease is all.” he said, smirking, just as his band mates came out to the pool area.

The two slit apart reluctantly and looked over to where James was saying something about how beautiful he was, noticing that Kendall had one of those knowing smirks on his face.

“Hey guys.” Said the blonde, waving and smiling as they walked over, James sitting down between Logan's legs and Kendall to Tres's right. Carlos looked between the two of them before deciding to sit down between Tres's legs, mimicking James actions and leaning against the blonde as he was wrapped in a pair of arms.

“So, Tres, what were you and Logan doing a minute ago?” Kendall asked, one bushy eyebrow raised, smirking once more.

Tres noticed Logan blush out of the corner of his eye and James' look of intrigue before shrugging. “Eh, just bonding.” A smirk spread across his features as one of his hands swept his bangs out of his eyes. “I was just telling Logan that's he's a fucking tease, I'm sure you would have responded quite the same way to him deep-throating a grape popsicle.”

He heard Logan choke on said popsicle and couldn't help but grin as Kendall's eyes widened just slightly. A moment later however, he was swatted in the back of the head.

“I can't believe you just told them that!” Logan said looking rather less upset than one would have expected.

Tres merely shrugged. “Meh, they'd have found out eventually anyway. Besides,” here he leaned over and whispered in the brunette's ear. “I think Kenny's got a boner now.”

Logan forgot that he was supposed to be upset and smirked, “I bet I can turn James on faster than you can Carlos.”

Tres's smile widened to the point of being obscene. “You're on, first one to get a moan wins, and the loser has to be the winner's sex slave for three nights.”

“Deal.”

Tres sat back and puled Carlos closer up against his chest, leaning down to blow in the Latino's ear, beginning to nip and suck on his neck moments later.

“T-tres, what're you doing?” Carlos asked, even as he leaned his head to the side to allow the blonde more access.

“Just playing around.” the blonde singsonged against the supple tan flesh under his care. “Don't pretend you don't love it.” He added as one of his hands found its way to the Latino's right nipple, tweaking it just a bit.

Carlos gasped slightly. “H-hah, I do, but w-we're at t-the po-” he was cut off by a moan and Tres stopped just long enough to smirk over at Logan, who was pouting slightly, while James looked as if he had melted into a puddle of heavenly goo.

The hand that wasn't occupied slowly slid down Carlos' body, stopping to hover just above the waistband of his trunks, but just as he was about to slide it the last couple of inches to palm the bulge that had formed in them he felt someone grab his wrist.

“Guys, we're at the pool. And I think Bitters is getting angry about all the PDA...” Kendall was always the voice of reason and Tres knew he was right, he sighed and stopped his ministrations, smiling when Carlos whined quietly at the loss of contact.

“You're right of course Kenny. We'll just have to continue this later, 'kay Carlitos?”

Carlos nodded, looking entirely too sexy with a pout on his face. “O-okay.”

“Dammit Carlos, you know I can't resist you when you make that face.” said the blonde, kissing him suddenly.

Carlos moaned into the kiss, but broke away a few moments later. “Kendall's right, we need to stop.”

Tres sighed again, but nodded, looking over to where James was laying in Logan's arms, mouth slightly open, chest heaving and face flushed over Logan's treatments.

“Oy, you too James and Logan, I don't want to get kicked out of the pool!”

Logan let out a small “eep” and stopped, nodding bashfully. “S-sorry Kenny, we got a little carried away.”

Kendall merely shook his head and muttered something that sounded a lot like “I have the four craziest boyfriends.”

The rest of the day was spent lounging around and trying to escape the heat, finally resulting in the five of them retreating up to 2J in a last ditch attempt to avoid the weather. Luckily, the recently broken air conditioner had been repaired earlier that day and they all collapsed in different areas of the greatroom.

Tres was on the long part of the couch with James literally half on top of him, while Kendall and Logan had their faces pressed to the glass table and Carlos was in the kitchen, head in the refrigerator, trying to find god knows what.

“Hey, Carlos, what are you doing in there?” asked Logan not even raising his head off the table.

“This!” he exclaimed happily and he pulled himself from the fridge and showed them the pudding cup he had extricated from within its depths.

“Oh... and here I thought it was something we could all enjoy.” sighed James dropping his head back down onto Tres's chest a moment later.

“I dunno Jamie, watching Carlos eat pudding is pretty hot...” said the blonde, one hand playing idly with a strand of James' hair.

The brunette merely hummed and Tres smiled as he noticed James lulling into sleep, but he knew he shouldn't let the pretty boy nap, or he would be up all night, almost definitely begging for sex. “Jamie-bear, you can't go to sleep or we'll all be up all night.”

James groaned and snuggled farther into the blonde's chest, refusing to stay awake.

Tres sighed and shook his head. “Don't say I didn't warn you...” he grabbed onto James' hair and pulled just hard enough to wake the other teen back up, smirking down at him.

“H-hey! There was no reason to hurt the hair.”

The smirk widened just slightly. “I wouldn't say 'no reason', besides, I know you love it when you have your hair pulled.”

James blushed and muttered something like “s-shut up”.

Tres pulled again, this time a little softer, and brought James farther up his body so that they could kiss.

They were broken apart only a few moments later by the sound of the front door opening and closing. James of course refused to get off of the blonde, but they stopped kissing, Tres leaning his head back to look at the door and smiling at Katie.

“Ugh, could you guys not do that all over the couch. I wanna watch TV.”

James stuck his tongue out and resolutely refused to move.

She just shrugged. “Fine.” and with that, she sat down on his back, earning a grunt each from the two boys.

“How can something so small be so heavy?” James grunted again, earning a chuckle from the blonde underneath him.

“Because she’s made of pure evil, it’s almost as heavy as dark matter you know.” He gasped as he felt a small hand slap his hip. “I regret nothing.”

The door opened once more just as James pecked Tres on the lips. They heard Mama Knight sigh and a moment later she said, “Katie, get off of them. And you two, stop it with the PDA.”

They blushed as they stood, Katie smirking just slightly.

“S-sorry Mama Knight.” They said, sitting down on the couch next to each other, hands entwined.

Katie stuck her tongue out at them before turning back to the television.

A few minutes later Mama Knight called Katie into the kitchen, and Tres looked over to where she was cooking, turning back to the TV just in time to notice a news report about some skinny dippers who had been arrested somewhere in LA.

He smirked and pulled out his phone, sending a text out to the other boys.

Just got the best idea. =3

He waited patiently as he saw them all check their phones, Logan looking a little perplexed as he typed back.

The replies were all a variation of “Oh? What is it?” except for Logan’s, which read:

Oh god, that’s your “I’ve got a plan” face... that almost always ends BADLY.

He giggled as he saw this and sent Logan a quick reply, basically telling him to just wait.

Next, he composed another group message.

So, we’ve not got anything to do tomorrow, and I’ve always wanted to try this.

Skinny dipping at midnight.

James of course thought this was the best idea anyone had come up with in forever and immediately agreed, “Let’s do it.” he said, not even noticing the odd look he got from Katie.

Kedall pulled a face, but sent a reply.

I dunno, that might be dangerous...

Carlos also agreed almost instantaneously.

Sounds like fun!

Logan would be the hard case to crack, and Tres knew that if he could get the smarter boy in on it, Kendall would quickly follow, so he ignored Kendall’s message for the moment.

Just as he had suspected, Logan was protesting.

That’s a horrible idea! What if we get caught? What if Mama Knight finds out and kills us? WHAT IF GUSTAVO FINDS OUT.

Tres bit back a giggle.

How will either of them figure it out? Besides, Bitters is the only who could catch us, and he’s the heaviest sleeper in the history of sleeping.

He saw Logan frown, but recognized the sparkle in the brunette’s eye.

It could still be really dangerous...

The blonde shook his head slightly, smiling devilishly.

Oh come on Logie, live a little! If we don’t do this kind of thing now before we’re on our own, we won’t ever. I know at least part of you wants to.

He saw Logan sigh, and knew he had won.

Alright, but if we get in trouble, I’m holding you personally responsible.

He smirked again.

Deal.

And now, Kendall... he thought to himself, biting his lip slightly as he looked at his phone’s touch screen.

It’s not like we’ll get caught Knight, besides, don’t you wanna live on the edge?

Kendall pulled another face.

You know I hate it when you call me that... And not if it means being arrested or kicked out or caught with my pants down. Literally.

The look of amusement that crossed the blonde’s face was priceless.

You always like it when I catch you like that. There’s some sexy fun in it for you if you agree.

Kendall literally groaned.

Sometimes I hate how well you know me. Alright, but I’m not taking any kind of responsibility for this if we get caught.

The smirk was back in full force.

I wouldn’t dream of asking you too. Meet me in the bathroom in five minutes, k?

The other blonde looked a little confused.

Uhm... okay...

Tres slipped him phone back into his pocket and layed his head on James’ shoulder, getting up at the next commercial to head toward the boys’ shared bathroom.

He smiled at himself in the mirror, frowning just slightly at the yellow coloring of his teeth. “Ugh, I hate my teeth.” he groaned quietly and reached for his toothbrush, smiling when he heard the door open, just as he finished brushing.

He turned and pulled Kendall close, making sure to reach behind him and flip the lock on the door. “Hey sexy.” he purred, placing a kiss on the taller teen’s neck.

“Hey.” Kendall leaned down and captured Tres’s mouth in a kiss, moaning just slightly as he felt the shorter blonde’s hands grip his ass.

When they broke for air, Tres smirked up at him, giving his ass one more squeeze. “You’re so fuckin’ hot Knight.”

Kendall frowned slightly and leaned forward. “I told you not to call me that.” he whispered in his lover’s ear, biting down on the lobe a little harshly.

This earned him a quiet moan. “Oh god, I love it when you’re forceful.”

“Good.” with that, he shoved the other teen up on to the counter and started attacking his neck.

Tres moaned and stretched his head to the side as far as it would go. “Fuck Kendall, bite me.”

Kendall obliged happily, stop only just before breaking the skin.

Tres let out another moan as he felt the taller teen’s teeth almost penetrate the thin outer layer of his body.

Kendall pulled back before he actually did bite through the skin and smirked when the other boy whimpered underneath him.

“K-kenny. God, Kendall, I need you. Now!” Moaned Tres desperately grinding up against Kendall’s chiseled abs.

Kendall let out a small moan himself at the sensation of hard flesh rubbing against him and he nodded, kissing the smaller blonde once again, as one hand went to the tie on his board shorts and the other worked its way underneath the waistband of Tres’s speedo.

“Fuck, this thing is so tight on you.”

“T-that’s why I like it.” panted the smaller blonde, moaning again as he felt Kendall’s hand on his length. “Shit Kendall, you’re fucking amazing.”

“I know.” he growled out as his trunks fell off of his hips, freeing his erection to the air.

“And so fucking big. God. Fuck me.” Tres moaned loudly as the speedo came off and Kendall began to pump his fist up and down the smaller blonde’s dick.

"That was the plan." Kendall smirked again and pulled Tres a little farther off the counter so he could have access to the other teen's ass.

* * *

They emerged together, both looking disheveled, but very happy, about twenty minutes later.

James smirked at them as they sat down at the table, nonchalantly brushing his hair off his shoulder, and pointing discreetly to an area on his own neck, clearly indicating the placement of a hickey on Tres’s flesh.

The blonde felt himself blush just a little and looked down at his food, hoping that Mama Knight wouldn’t notice.

“Tres, is your neck alright? You look like you got hit or something...” He groaned inwardly as he heard Katie say his name. Dammit Katie, I’ll get you for this.

“I’m fine. I don’t know what it could be... I’ll have to look at it later.”

Mama Knight didn’t even look up from where she was putting mashed potatoes on her plate. “Don’t think I don’t know what you two were doing in there, all I can say is that I hope you cleaned up.”

Kendall nearly choked on the sip of juice he had just taken and Tres couldn’t help but chuckle just a bit. “Y-yes ma’am we did.” he said, rubbing Kendall’s back to help soothe the small coughing fit the other blonde had developed.

After Kendall stopped coughing, he resolutely refused to look up and meet the gaze of Logan, who was sitting across from him.

Tres just smiled at the brunette when he was fixed with a questioning look. I’ll tell you later. he said with his eyes, looking back to James when Logan minutely nodded.

“So, Jamie, didn’t you mention a new song or something earlier?”

James looked confused for only a moment, then nodded. “Yeah, I heard Gustavo say he was working on a new single for us...”

The blonde nodded and chewed on the end of his fork for a moment. "So do you know what it was supposed to be about?"

“No clue, I just heard him mention it to Kelly as I walked out.” James shrugged and made a face at the blonde, asking Why? with his eyes.

“Oh cool... I was just wondering, I thought you said something. Anyway, Katie, do you have any plans for tomorrow?”

She looked at him suspiciously and slowly shook her head. “...no... why?”

“I was just thinking about a little boy I’ve seen around, who seems to have a huge crush on you.”

She glared at him just as Mama Knight looked up and smiled widely. “Really? That’s great Katie! You should meet him!”

Katie smiled fakely at her mom and nodded. “Sure mom.”

Her mother smiled again and went back to her food. “Good, Tres can you set it up?”

“Absolutely.” he said, smiling devilishly at the small brunette next to him.

He was met with another glare which he ignored.

* * *

After dinner, Katie retreated to her room with her laptop and the boys sat down to watch some TV, each of them curled up next to one another, with Tres’ head in Kendall’s lap.

“You know, I really don’t understand the allure of these stupid reality shows...” said Logan, frowning slightly as he flipped through the pages of the cable guide. “They’re just so fake, and absolutely idiotic.”

Tres giggled and smiled up at the Kendall when he was fixed with one of those “you’re so cute when you do that” looks.

“Oh! Let’s watch 1000 Ways to Die!” squealed Carlos, pouting when Logan ignored his suggestion and kept looking.

“I hate that show, it’s so graphic, to the point of being nasty, and honestly, I think they make half of those up.”

Carlos frowned a little and Logan hugged him. “It’s nothing against you Carlitos, I just really don’t like it.”

Carlos smiled and snuggled into Logan. “S’okay.”

The remote was snatched out of the brainiac’s hand by James and he flipped through the channels at a speed no one had seen before.

“Looking for something Jamie?” Asked Kendall, one bushy eyebrow raised.

“Yeah, I just remembered that the new episode of Bad Girls Club is on.”

They all groaned in unison.

“Not again James, that show is so horrid!” said Tres, rolling his eyes when the brunette ignored him and clicked on it anyway.

They all sighed and resigned themselves to their fate, Carlos and Kendall actually laughing a few times at the idiocy displayed on screen while Logan and Tres merely made derisive comments every few minutes.

Finally the show was over, and it was ten o’clock.

Mama Knight waved at them all as she headed to bed, at that point too tired to deal with them anymore.

“Goodnight Mama Knight!” Tres said, smiling at her as she hummed and shuffled out.

They all sighed slightly and looked outside, groaning when they saw the bright lights off the neon sign on the building across the street.

“This is so boring.” Said Carlos, sighing and flopping over onto the shorter part of the couch.

James got one of those smirks on his face and looked around at them. “I know how we can make it less boring.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Tres shook his head. “I don’t think sex is the answer right now Jamie.”

Surprisingly, it was Logan who spoke up next. “I don’t know, it could be fun...”

Kendall and Tres both did stage quality neck popping double-takes. “Wait... did Logan just... holy shit, the sky must be falling.”

“Oh ha ha. Come on, I’m serious, I’ve been horny all day, and I know James has too.” he winked at the other brunette, who slid closer to him and placed one hand on his thigh.

“I bet Carlos isn’t doing so well either... you and I are the only one’s who’ve gotten laid today Kenny.”

“True...”

Tres smirked up at the blonde and wiggled his head a little in Kendall’s lap, the smirk widening just slightly as he felt the other teen’s dick swell slightly. “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.” He giggled and stood up, walking over to the Latino and straddling him.

"Hey there Carlitos." He giggled and ground his hips down into the bulge he felt in the other teen's jeans. "I got you all hot and bothered, didn't I?"

He nodded and whimpered a little, thrusting up against Tres' ass. "Ever since this afternoon at the pool."

“Well, I’ll just have to do something about that then won’t I..?” he smirked and slowly leaned down, pausing when their lips were just a few inches from each other and looking into the chocolate pools of the smaller boy’s eyes. “You’re eyes are so pretty...” he said, gasping slightly as he felt the dark-haired teen grip his hips.

“So are yours.” Carlos closed the space between them and kissed Tres as if his life depended on it.

**Author's Note:**

> You know what? Fuck this, I quit, this is making my head hurt and sucking my life, so I’m stopping it here. I might come back to it later, but for now y’all just get some derpy self insert and sexy make out scenes.
> 
> Review and tell how stupid I am for selfinserting.
> 
> K bye.


End file.
